Beam Us Up, Scotty
by Gnomie897
Summary: Team Free Will has a rather interesting conversation. Pure Crack! This is what happens when I'm bored


I own nothing what-so-ever. All characters belong to the geniuses over on the Supernatural team that created them.

I simply got bored and decided that us Supernatural fans need a little bit of crack in our lives to contradict the drama and heartbreak the show puts us through. So... enjoy ^^

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Dean clapped his hands together loudly, causing Sam to flinch. "Alright then," the older Winchester stated a little too quickly. "Beam us up, Scotty."

Castiel looked at him blankly, a slight narrowing of his eyes the only thing that betrayed his confusion. "I don't understand that reference," he informed Dean roughly.

Dean rolled his eyes then gestured to the angel's immobile hands. "Do your angel thing," he clarified. Castiel's eyebrows drew together in further confusion, so Dean snapped his fingers. "Zap us to wherever we gotta go."

Cass' facial expression loosened, but did not change completely as he rasped, "I was under the impression that you did not enjoy that form of travel." Dean opened his mouth to respond, but a snicker from Sam cut him off.

"He'd rather be constipated than fly in an airplane," the younger brother explained much to Dean's chagrin. Castiel's confusion did not dissipate, so Sam added, "He's irrationally afraid of airplanes."

"It's a justified fear!" Dean snapped defensively, but Sam was too busy laughing to notice. Castiel cocked his head to the side, his eyes blankly staring at Dean. "What?"

"I would have thought that you of all people would enjoy airplanes," the angel conceded slolw.y Sam's giggles stopped in his throat so he could hear what was being said.

"What?" Dean questioned, raising an eyebrow at their holy companion. "Why?"

Castiel suddenly became rather sheepish, raising a hand to rub at the back of his neck; a human trait that he seemed to favor. "The, uh, mile high club?" He stated finally. There was a pause in which both Winchesters looked at him in pure confusion. "In modern day culture the flight attendants are… enticing women. Given your promiscuity, Dean, I assumed that you would enjoy them very much." Another silence ensued, one in which Sam looked to his older brother, who simply scratched the back of his head.

Finally, Sam opened his mout. "Cass?" The angel looked to him expectantly. "Have you… have you been watching porn?" Dean blanched at the idea, opening his mouth to tell Sam how idiotic that question was, but the look on Castiel's face gave him pause.

"Cass?"

The man before them shrugged, crinkling his long trench coat with the simple motion. "I have simply been observing the modern day culture to better integrate myself into the public," he explained himself haltingly, a forced casual smirk on his face. It looked painful.

"An angel watching porn…" Sam mused, running a hand through his already messy hair.

Dean cleared his throat and shook his head, determing to get them back on subject. "Well let me tell you something that porn always seems to leave out, Cass." The angel looked to him expectantly so he pushed on, gesturing wildly the more heated he got. "They always leave out the fact that you're traveling at tops speeds through nothing but air, in a pressurized can that is thousands of miles above the earth. A bird flies into the engine, some floating debris, hell even a wrong pocket of air, and you are left plummeting to ground in a falling death trap. But no, all porn focuses on are the big tits, the pouty lips and a cheesy soundtrack for people to bump uglies to. What are you laughing at?" The last question was directed at Same, who was leaning heavily against the wall for support as he laughed heartily.

"You…" Same answered through his guffaws, clutching his sides in an attempt to control himself. "_You_, Dean, are bashing born." Sam looked to Castiel for help, but the angel couldn't seem to grasp the hilarity that Sam saw in the situation. "It's just… It's just…"

Dean waited until his giggles trailed off before raising his eyebrows and spreading his arms. "You done?"

Sam straightened slowly, wiping tears from his eyes and coughing to clear his throat. "An angel watching porn and Dean Winchester bashing porn…" he marveled, shaking his head and grinning. "If we hadn't already ganked the devil, I'd say that the Apocalypse was coming."


End file.
